According to something I read recently, the Ancient Greeks had two ways of measuring time. The kind of time that we all typically ascribe to, where minutes are measured (and if you’re me means you’re always late) is called “chronos”.
And a more complex understanding called “kairos”, which is time in the moment; giving everything to the moment and receiving everything that moment has to offer… which is the best way to describe the relationship with time that I have developed through my years.
(and is ironically, why I’m late for everything!)
If we're honest with ourselves, most moments don’t end at 10:15… they end at 10:27 or sometimes 10:37… and if they are exceptional, they don’t end at all.
Most times, I am stretching myself so thin, trying to make more and more and more of a day. Rare times, like the first week of my freshman year of high school, the first time I went to summer camp, and my first week in Misery, the days seemed to somehow make more and more and more of me. The first week felt like it was a month long. Hot, sloggy days that revealed more of what all of my days ahead were to be filled with.
I bought my first pack of cigarettes.
Felt Misery sink in.
Trying to process the concept of seeking life-lessons out. Does it or even can it work like that? Why the hell am I so stubborn?
Is it strange or fucked up to desire to live so many different lives? Is that what motivates my creativity or is it the other way around?
Seeking to find… everything, I suppose.
The second week offered me elements of routine, which I believe is inherent to our kind. In order to be productive, humans need to establish themselves within some kind of familiarity and relative comprehension of expectation; i.e. who, what, when, where, why.
I would say that the explorative and ambitious career path I have invested myself in these past ten years has hindered enough consistency in my days to offer emotional stability... which I guess is why I tend to fly off the handles every 8-12 months. But on the contrary, my days here so far are pretty immutably the same. The familiarity with them has made it all the more easier to process.